No Laughing Matter

This morning, I overheard two grown men joking and laughing about child abuse. These guys were strangers, united in a waiting room at a doctor's office. One guy was white, and one was black. They appeared to dwell in different socio-economic worlds, as well. However, they were carrying on like old friends while recounting times when they physically abused their children.

The thing that caught my attention was when one of the gentlemen said, "My kid said one time that if I hit him, he would call the police and sue me. Can you believe that?" The second guy was shocked. The first man went on to say, "So I hit him in the mouth so he couldn't talk!" This statement was followed by both parties partaking in some gleeful laughter.

Folks, I joke about a lot of things. I think that things like necrophilia are funny. There are very few "off-limit" topics when it comes to my sense of humor.

Some shit just isn't funny, though.

It's pretty much common knowledge that it is morally reprehensible to hit children. It truly doesn't matter what the circumstance is. Any ethical or thinking person can arrive at this conclusion on their own. No reasonable person will say, "I want my child to grow up to be well-developed from an emotional, moral, and intellectual standpoint, so when they do stuff that I don't like I intend to beat the shit out of them."

Someone just read this statement and said to themselves, "I don't beat the shit out of my kids. I just hit 'em once in awhile to keep them in check." You're a morally bankrupt piece of shit if you think in this way. It is morally irresponsible to lash out at your children like a fucking ape and physically assault them if they don't do what you want.

Comedian and genius Louis C.K. has pointed out that it is not socially acceptable to behave in this manner towards anyone except children. If you hit a person (or even a dog) on the street, you're running the risk of going to prison. Somehow, inexplicably, children are the only people that you can physically assault - and it's somehow okay. The smallest, most vulnerable people in the world. The most defenseless people. The people who should be preserved and protected at any expense. These people are at the mercy of their oftentimes sadistic, selfish parents.

Here's a hypothetical dialogue, which should serve to illustrate what I'm talking about:

Asshole: "Yeah, so I just finished spanking my kid."
Me: "What? Why?"
Asshole: "Well, they hit a kid at school."
Me: "So, you hit them because...?"
Asshole: "Well, they need to learn that it isn't okay to use violence to solve problems."
Me: "Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Where would they have gotten the idea that it was okay in the first place?"
Asshole: "I dunno."

Pictured: Jesus on a pogo stick. Some shit IS funny.

It's unacceptable. A big part of me wanted to just beat the living shit out of both of these assholes for the vile things that they were saying, but then I remembered that I'm not a fucking monkey. I'm capable of reason. So, I sat there and I pondered: I wonder how the world would be a different place if monstrous people who assault their children were made to spend time being assaulted by people like me? Maybe for every time someone hits a kid, they should be rendered helpless and have someone who is physically capable of harming them teach them a practical lesson about brutality. Of course, this "solution" is ridiculous and impractical, and it wouldn't solve anything. It would just be an exercise in sadism on my part, and that isn't good for anyone. There would still be helpless kids with abusive and demented parents who will abuse them.

So, what is the solution? Child psychology has proven the stupidity of the religious mandate to beat your children with a "rod"so that they don't stray from moral behavior. Maybe education is the key. Somehow, and I suspect that religious devotion dwells at the root of this problem, otherwise ethical people think that it's okay to hurt innocent people. It has to stop, dear readers.