This is David Gandy. He is the number one male model in the world. He is the current face of Dolce & Gabbana, and there is a 50-foot tall billboard of him in Times Square. This is an example of our culture's ideal male body. He certainly has aesthetic qualities that are classically appealing, but this body type isn't an accessible goal for many men. For many years, I've listened to female friends complaining (justifiably so) about the damaging nature of media-imposed body standards. Women have complained about the negative emotional impact that various images have had on their body image for decades. Let me assure you, men struggle with the same problem.
I spent a lot of time preoccupied with my body image. I grew up watching action movies in the 1980s, which meant I idolized guys like Stallone and Schwarzenegger, who had larger-than-life physiques. I wanted to be muscular like those guys, so I started lifting weights when I was 16. I played a lot of basketball when I was a teenager, so I was pretty thin, and I wanted to change my appearance. I desperately wanted to mold myself into what I thought a man was supposed to look like.
So, I hit the gym. Surely, through some hard work and perseverance, I could look more Schwarzenegger-esque over time, I thought...
It didn't happen, though. I gradually got bigger, but I was never satisfied with my progress. Because my goals were primarily aesthetic, it didn't matter if I was actually healthy or not. All that mattered was the image in the mirror.
Over time I got discouraged with this pursuit, and I stopped enjoying going to the gym. I found workout partners, and I would enjoy the competitive workouts that we would have, but I would end up looking in the mirror at the end of the day and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I still compared myself to the guys in Muscle & Fitness or Flex magazines.
It took years of this before I finally started to realize what I was doing wrong. I was so engrossed in the pursuit of an unattainable type of artificial perfection, I utterly failed to recognize the source of my happiness in my workouts.
This is Brian Shaw. He currently holds the title "World's Strongest Man" after winning the 2011 WSM competition. He doesn't have visible abdominal muscles. He isn't especially gifted, aesthetically. However, if you need help moving a couch, or pushing your car to a gas station, this is a good guy to know.
At what point did our society start valuing form over function? What makes David Gandy's body "better" than Brian Shaw's? Who decides how beauty is defined?
Once I stopped caring (as much) about how I looked, and started caring a whole lot more about what I can actually do, the gym became a sanctuary. My physical appearance varies from day to day. Some days I look in the mirror and think I look great, and other days I look in the mirror and wonder what I did to deserve my genetics. No matter how I feel about how I look, when I go to the gym and it's time to deadlift, 200 kilograms will always be 200 kilograms, and I can either lift it, or I can't. There is tremendous comfort in this constant stability. My evolution from wannabe bodybuilder to amateur powerlifter was a difficult one. It was hard to overcome my vanity and my insecurity. It would be deceptive for me to pretend that I had fully overcome either of those things.
All I know now is that there has been great freedom in letting go of societal influences when I consider my body. I am less anxious. I am not as self-conscious. I know that I don't look like a model. There was a time when I did look like a model, and it was miserable. I hated counting calories and working to maintain a low bodyfat percentage. I felt trapped in my body when I lived with my mind constantly stressing about how I was perceived by other people.
I'm writing about this in hopes that it'll help any of you who struggle with a negative perception of your own body image. I'm hoping that you may be encouraged to find alternative ways to assess yourself when you look in the mirror. It is nobody's place to tell you how you should look or how you should feel about yourself. We must make honest assessments of ourselves, and oftentimes the media is an obstacle to honest communication with one's self.
Think about what you can do. Think about who you are, and what your unique offerings to the world may be. Forget about what a magazine says about who you should be, and decide for yourself. You'll open yourself up to a whole new world of experiences once you decide who you want to be.
